So, I know I've made a break up post before but I feel like this one in the end is more important. I was not with this person very long; 4 months. But they were 4 beautiful months. It was mostly over the summer so we spent practically everyday together and were madly in love. We fought every now and then but all couples do. And I've said before fighting is good. Well things started to go to shit when school started. She started to blow me off for her friends. I wouldn't hear from her until about 10 every night. At that point I would either go see her or she would come see me and we would spend the night together. I wasn't happy with the system but I thought it would be better than never seeing her and having to give up our relationship completely. Well, about a week into school I was really sick. Like in and out of the hospital sick. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. A genetic intestinal disease. Well during that week she was really good about stopping by and checking on me. She took great care of me when I needed it. And I was so grateful to have her. So then the Friday of that week I get a text. It read "Hey don't get mad but I'm playing spin the bottle." I let it go at the time; but it's going to play back into our story. So the following week I don't hear much from her, I'm back in school, I had figured we were both just really busy. Well Wednesday I was hanging out with one of our mutual friends. We were having a good time and we invited my girlfriend to come hang out. She showed up with one of her other friends then left within 20 minutes with a shitty attitude. That night she text me and said she was questioning our relationship because we never saw each other. Truth be told I was questioning it too. But I was willing to fight for it and make it work if at all possible. Well later that night she had me come over and we hung out and I stayed the night like I always did. No big deal. We talked about our relationship and she said she wanted to be with me cause she was happy she just was struggling with it. I was too. And in all reality it was our fault because we were around each other 24/7 during the summer; we didn't know how to be apart. So I went home that morning and everything appeared normal. Well at 8:39 I get a text from her. This is the first time all year she bothered to text me at school. Well when I opened it up I was devastated. She had text me and asked if we could take a break. Then when I told her if that is what would make her happy she told me this. "It's not about my happiness. It's the fact that we never see each other. Plus someone I love just came out and there might be a shot. I still love you but I don't know what I want right now." So to me I took that as she wanted someone else and she was done with me. So instead of just taking a break I decided we should just be broken up. But she text me "I didn't leave you for someone else. I left for our sanity." I'll let you guys decide for yourselves but I don't believe her. And I will never forget that sentence as long as I live. So wee go through the weekend. We talked a couple times as friends but really neither of us were ready for just friends so the conversations were short. Monday all my love and trust that was still intact was completely destroyed. So her ex-girlfriend, one of my really good friends came up to me and was like "I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't want to you to hate me but I feel like you deserve to know this. She cheated." She then proceeded to tell me how my girlfriend had started the game of spin the bottle on her own even when everyone told her not to because she had a girlfriend. And how she got really into it and tried forcing her ex to make out with her when she didn't want to. I trust this girl when she says she pushed my girlfriend off and wanted nothing to do with it. I told her I wasn't mad at her and I appreciated the fact that she had the love and respect to tell me. So then I text my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend and asked her about it. She admitted to most of it. But got mad at me because I already knew about the game. I only knew she played it. I didn't know what the outcome was or who she had played with. So then I was like what happened with your ex that night? And she responded "What about her? I was just going around asking people wanna make out wanna make out? Which was like ----- and ------- and ----. Then spin the bottle was played." As if that makes it OK! She flat out just admitted to cheating and thought I would be cool with it! But the story gets every better. So that night she text me around 11:30 and was like "Will you come over? I need one final goodbye and to apologize." So I went over around 12. And she apologized and we agreed to be friends. She had asked me if we could be a couple again and I told her I didn't think I could trust her enough. I want her back but I didn't want to get hurt again. So we agreed just friends was the best option. But then we kissed and all signals got mixed. She wanted me to stay the night with her one last time and I being caught up in the moment agreed. But I couldn't sleep. Something just felt wrong. I was going to leave but I couldn't find my phone. I knew I had an alarm set for 2 so I could go home so I waited for that. But I wanted to know how long I needed to wait so I grabbed her phone to check the time. 1:50. Ten minutes I could handle that. But then I got curious. So I checked her texts to see if she had already moved on or what. There was one text that made me realize it was a good thing I told her no to getting back together. There was a series of texts to an unsaved number in her phone. "Hey sexy." "You're on my to-do list" And the last one killed me. "Baby I love you and I hope that it isn't weird. It's just natural. You need to kiss me more often because I never wanted to stop." And all I could think is half an hour ago she kissed me and was saying she loved me and was going to miss me. 1:55. For five minutes I had to sit in her room hating being that close to someone who had so thoroughly broken my heart. My alarm went off. My phone had fallen out of my pocket and ended up under her leg. I grabbed it and ran out of her house not caring how much noise I made. She had just betrayed me beyond words. If she even thinks we are ever getting back together she is dead wrong. I will never be able to trust her again. SO I text her when I got home and was like "Thanks for that. I finally got the closure I needed. Glad we're just friends. Have a nice life stay safe don't do anything too stupid. Goodbye." And now I have no intention of ever talking to her again. I have a box full of her things that I'm going to leave either in her car or on her front door step one of these days. And tonight when i go home I'm going to burn all of our pictures. I don't even want the memories. And the funny thing is, I'm not even sad anymore. I just want her out of my life because I have no trust or respect anymore. My horoscope was very insightful for this exact event today. It said "Constant analysis of a bridge's suspension cables makes it much more difficult to cross. Looking across--not down and behind--makes a more successful journey. Opening up old wounds adds to the pain and creates a big mess. Today, stop dwelling on the past and focus on the brighter future that lies ahead. Take one step in a new direction, even if it's a baby step." So that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to let go of this relationship and move forward towards my own happiness. No need to stay focused on something that makes me so unhappy.
Love,
Chelsi Wilson
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